Ed's Pirate Ship
by carmalpopcorn
Summary: What happens when flying sausages attack? What will Ed do when Hawkeye come after him? Why does Roy run around naked? Read and find out! Except on the last question........Idon't know why he does.....
1. Chapter 1

Roy-(rubs his head in frustration) Ed, you cannot take my job. It's mine and there's no way you can take Hawkeye's either so stop trying!

Ed- Mustang, I demand you give me your job! I will do something horrible if you don't!

Roy- Look, FullMetal, you don't even know how to run this place, you can't just take over!

Ed- Oh yea! Well then I'm becoming a pirate!(stands up and points his finger in the air) And I will succeed!

Roy looks doubtingly at him. Then the ground beneath him begins to shake. Roy looks at his feet trying to figure out where the vibrations are coming from.

Ed- MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

A giant ship comes up from the ground. Ed jumps in laughing.

Ed-I WILL GET YOU MUSTANG! MUWAHAHAHAHAHA!

The ship starts sailing off in HQ. Ed is standing at the front of the ship with his foot at the bow with his hands on his hips. The ship sailed through the halls. Al saw the giant ship coming towards him.

Al-Ed, what are you doing? You know we're not aloud to sail ships through HQ!

Ed-I can, and I am!

Al-gasp I'm telling Hawkeye!

Ed-NNNNOOOOOOOO! She will blow my ship to pieces!

Al- Ok then. I won't. Can I join brother?

Ed- Ok. But you have to be a mean, ruthless pirate!

Al-Ok!

So they sail down the halls of HQ, until the ship suddenly stopped. Ed and Al both looked over the side of the ship to see what had stopped them.

Al-Uh oh...

Ed-What? What's the problem?

Al-(looking scared; whispering) Hawkeye...

Ed-...There's only one thing to do at a time like this!(looks heroic, then starts running in circles) AAAAAHHHHHHH!

Al-(looks at Edward and starts doing the same)AAAAAAAHHHHHH!

Hawkeye examined the ship. She picked up a walkie-talkie and started talking into it.

Hawkeye-Yes, we have a code Purplish-Blue. I repeat, code Purplish blue.

Guy on recieving end-Yes mam, I copy. I'll send some guys over right away. Calling all units! Calling all units! Grab your tranquilizers! Roy's running around naked again!

Hawkeye- WHAT? That's not code Purplish-Blue! That's code Blueish-Purple!

Some dude at recieving end-Oh, sorry mam. Then we need some reinforcments for the giant ship that is sailing through the halls! I repeat, we need some...

Hawkeye looks up at the ship and notices Edward and Alphonse running in circles like two complete idiots. She sighs.

Hawkeye- Hey Ed! Your in big trouble now! I'm going to destroy your ship! HA!

Ed-NOOOOOO!

Al- Hey brother, did you know that we have cannons?

Ed- Alright! Now we can shoot at the military! Rock on!

The special squads come in, armed and ready. Ed gets the cannons ready. Then he reliezes that he has no amunition.

Al- Ed! We have no fire power! Now what do we do?

Ed- I know! Let's fire silver ware from in the kitchen!

Al- Ok! I'll go get some. Be right back.

The special forces start firing at will. Ed dodges all the fired shots. Al comes back with bunches of spoons and pinecones.

Ed- Why do you have pinecones Al? And why spoons? Couldn't you have brought knives or forks?

Al- Well, I thought that these were more threatening.

Ed- Your absolutly right! Hey Hawkeye! Surrender or we will fire spoons and pinecones at you! This is a threat!

Hawkeye- Oh no! Not spoons and pinecones! They're the most threatening objects in the world! Men! Back down immidiatly! We don't stand a fighting chance against them!

All the special forces ran screaming like little school girls.(All of them were men, cause they use the wemon for the extra special force of surprise.)

Hawkeye-(looking defeated yet evil) I'll get you Ed! And your little brother too! Maybe not today, maybe not tomarrow, maybe not even for a year, maybe not even for...

ok Hawkeye i think that they get it Hawkeye glares at carmelpopcorn.

Ed-(laughs evilly) MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!

Al-(just stares at Ed)

Ed-sorry...

Hawkeye- I'll get you next time! I promise!

Ed- Yah yah...that's what they all say.

Hawkeye turns, running off while laughing evilly.

Ed- I can't help but think that we forgot someone...

(back at Mustang's office)

Mustang- EEEEDDDDDDWWARRRDDD! You completly destroyed my office! Your going to pay for this!

(back to the ship)

Ed- Can't think of who though...Oh well! We have defeated the evil Hawkeye! (does and impression of Nepoleon Dynamite by pulling his hand down in front of his face) Yesssss...

Al- Hey look! Whose that guy? He doesn't have a nose!

Micheal Jackson-(in a girly tone) Why hello up there! How are you two boys? Would you like to come to Neverland and stay the night with me?

Ed-AAAHHHHHHHHH! Micheal Jackson! Quickly! Run him over so we don't have to see his noseless face!

Ed sailed the boat over Micheal Jackson. There was a crunchy sound.

Micheal Jackson- Stop it! Your crushing my internal organs!

Ed- AAAAHHHHH! Why won't you die?

One last snap was heard and Micheal Jackson was crushed by a huge ship. Ed checked to make sure he was dead and ran him over a couple more times. Ed looked down to see if he hit him. He did. Ed put on a pirate eye patch and started singing.

Ed- Yo ho! Yo ho! I killed a big fat...uh... Toe! Yo ho! Yo ho! Hurray for my sow!

Al- That song didn't make any sense brother.

Ed- Great! Now let's go have...um...I know! Flying sausages!

Al-...

Ed ran down to the storage part of the ship and came running back up in a few minutes.

Ed-AAAAHHHHH! Flying sausages! AAAAHHHH! Hurry! Eat them before they eat me! AAAAHHH!

Al watched as Edward was chased by flying sausages. Edward ran screaming for hours until he got hungry. Then he ate the flying sausages.

Ed- Never take out flying sausages when they feel like flying.

Al-...So...can we go out for ice cream now?

Ed-OK! I'll set sail!

So Edward and Alphonse set off for ice cream.

the end----------------------------------------------------------------


	2. No refunds

i haven't done much to any of my other stories lately, well time to get started!

-At the ice cream parlor-

Ed-so, I would like a Triple Chocolate Utopia please and,(looks up at Al)

Al- I would like a chocolate ice cream cone please

Ice cream dude- all right, that will be $5.20

Ed- that's absurd! i demand a refund!

ice cream dude- but sir, you haven't even paid yet

Ed- exaclty why i want my refund. now hand it over!

ice cream dude-but sir,

Edward- REFUND!

ice cream dude- no sir, I'm sorry but you haven't even ,

Ed- I said I want a refund and that is what I shall get or I will do something horrible!

ice cream dude- rriiiiiiight.(directs his attention behind Ed) next!

Ed growled. Alphonse looked scared.Ed turned heel and marched towards HQ.  
Al followed, not sure what he was gonna do next. All the sudden, Edward turned back around.

Ed- YOUR THE REASON PEOPLE LIKE ME CUT OURSELVES AT NIGHT!

The guy turned to him.

ice cream dude-right.ok will you please leave? Your scaring away all my customers.

Edward turned heel yet again and marched to HQ.

Ed- I'LL BE BACK! YOU'LL SEE! YOU'LL ALL SEE HOW SCARY IT IS! ALL OF YOU!

He pointed to the other three people that were there.

-AT HQ-

Ed- can you beleive how rude he was? I mean i still didn't get my refund even after I asked nicely.

Al- so what are you gonna do now?

Ed looked over to him and smiled evily.

-NEXT DAY AT THE ICE CREAM PARLOR-

Edward walked up to the counter.

Ed- remember me bud?

ice cream dude-(muttering) It's kinda hard not to.

Ed- well today, today you will see how scary my wrath is!

Edward pulled up a dog cage. Smiling evily and opened it slowly. The man yawned and waited til he was done opening the cage. Just then Edward reached at the man and pulled him in.

The man glared out from behind the bars.

Ice cream dude- why have you stuck me in a dog cage? how did i even fit in it anyway? i cant even move!

Ed- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!NOW YOU SHALL FEAR ME!

He pulled out two tooth picks and proped open the mans eyes.

Ed sat the cage in front of a T.V. that suddenly appeared there on my accord and had Barney on it, with out the commercials!

Ed- HAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHA1 NOW DO YOU FEAR ME?

ice cream man- AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! STOP IT! STOP THIS MADNESS! PLEASE! I'M SCARED! REALLY I AM!

Ed- to late now, cause now you get to sit there and watch a 3 hour marathon of educational television!

Ice cream dude- AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

Ed- MUWAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHHAAHAHAHAHA!

All right, how was that? I haven't written on this story since this summer i beleive. Please R&R 


End file.
